When you woke up this morning in your bed of responsibly farmed baby seal fur, trudged to the kitchen in your bathrobe woven from unicorn hair and doctored up your coffee with a little dollop of Almas caviar, were you struck once again by the haunting thought that never quite leaves the back of your mind? Did you ask yourself, for what felt like the thousandth time, "What am I going to do with these huge piles of money?" as you settled into your diamond-encrusted Tempur-Pedic recliner and began your day the way you always begin your day, being massaged by the tiny, excited fingers of 13 trained rhesus monkeys?
If this sounds like you, Eater Dallas has the solution to your problems: a cruise through the Adriatic with superstar of Southwestern cooking, Dallas' own Chef Dean Fearing. This today, from the Fearing's restaurant Facebook page: "The holidays are near. If you don't buy your sweetie the perfect gift there will be hell to pay. Thankfully, Dean Fearing's solved this problem!"
Specifically, he's solved it with a cruise, setting sail next July, that'll set you back $17,918 for the Owner's 2 Suite. (To be fair, they'll put you in a barrel down in the hull and Fearing will toss some scraps your way for just $5,318.) How are only three of you "maybe attending" this thing? Is the economy that bad? Occupy a boat, y'all.
The Fearing's dining room. [Photo: Fearing's/Official]