New Observer food critic Scott Reitz teased and offended some City of Ate readers earlier this week when he said he'd recently eaten "lousy guacamole at multiple restaurants." It's blasphemy, of course, to say such things in a Tex-Mex capital city. But today, we find out the details of Reitz's real beef with local guac, and wouldn't you know: Dallas keeps hyping guacamole's new stuff, and Reitz just wants to listen to their first record on vinyl. He writes:
"Squeeze the lemon. Sprinkle some salt. Crystal crunchy Kosher please or maybe something sexy from the sea. Now eat. Be a glutton. Devour the product of your simple labor, and do it quickly. Every second that passes renders avocados more oxidized and stale. Want to get nuts? Mash in some cilantro or some chili for heat. The faintest whisper of garlic if you must, but it's really not necessary."
That's right--onion and tomato, found in just about every guac pile in town, can keep their pop sensibilities. Reitz has no need for 'em. We don't even wanna know what he thinks about the Justin Bieber of guacamole, fried guac at the Texas State Fair. Now, where did we put our Official Stamp Of Hipster Dreamboatdom? It's gotta be around here somewhere.
Guacamole before they got big. [Photo: Flickr user skyseeker]