Not to be outdone by the bizarro fried food bonanza currently underway at the State Fair of Texas, the concessions team at the Texas Rangers' Globe Life Park in Arlington has unleashed some truly ridiculous new creations especially for the post-season playoff games.
Below, photos and descriptions of the new menu items to feast on during your next Rangers game — if you dare:
First up is the downright weird — and frankly somewhat terrifying — Sweet Spot Cotton Candy Dog, described as "an all-beef hot dog with cotton candy-infused mustard ... topped with just enough cotton candy to make it both sweet and salty." (Infusing mustard with cotton candy apparently turns it the color of nuclear waste.)
This beastly-looking creation has an equally intimidating name: the Elvis Jabberdog Brownie. Continuing Globe Life's Park storied tradition of serving two-foot-long food items, this 24-inch brownie is crusted with Rice Krispy cereal, dipped in funnel cake batter, deep-fried, and topped with whipped cream. (There's also a miniature version available... if you're a wuss.)
This next one seems to be a riff on the prized Texan culinary icon, the Frito chili pie. The not-so-alluringly-named One-Pound Top-N-Go Cheetos is "a one-pound bag of Cheetos opened on its side and loaded with your choice of chili, taco meat, shredded chicken or brisket then topped with nacho cheese." Cheesy fun for the whole family?
Finally, there's the Inside-Out Hot Dog, which may be a bit of a misnomer: It appears to be a bacon-wrapped hot dog served alongside a pretzel roll that's filled with "your choice of mac and cheese or mashed potatoes and is then topped with brisket, chili or shredded chicken."