Here in America no one really knows what St. Patrick's Day is really about, but we definitely use it as an excuse to drink way too much, falsely claim Irish heritage, and use a crapload of green food coloring. Here are 12 ways to celebrate today that don't involve drinking that nasty green beer.
1) Devour a Reuben at Swiss Pastry Shop. Owner Hans Mueller's Twitter handle might be @SwissPastryMan, but the dude clearly knows how to finesse a slab of meat.
2) Have an Irish-inspired cocktail at Henry's Majestic. Barman Alex Fletcher is serving up three holiday-themed drinks for $7 each including a Celtic Rickey (Irish whiskey, apricot liqueur, lime, sugar) and the Irish Duke, (banana-infused Jameson, ginger beer, lemon, sugar).
3) Sip a Guinness float at The Lot. Today they'll be whipping up floats with Bailey's ice cream, as well as Guinness-battered fish tacos and corned beef sandwiches.
4) Eat a green macaron at Joy Macarons. They're chocolate-peppermint flavored, which sounds vaguely like a fancier French version of a Thin Mint.
5) Snag a slice of green pie at Emporium Pies. Today they've tinted their red velvet cream cheese pie the Dr. Love green instead — call it "Dr. Luck."
6) Get mint chocolate chip ice cream at Melt Ice Creams. It's green, obviously, and you can also get it topped with Rahr Iron Thistle chocolate sauce (because beer).
7) Drink an avocado margarita at Wild Salsa. They're $5 all day long.
8) Drink cheap at The Quarter Bar. The Breadwinners neighbor will be serving up $3 Harp, Killian's, or Guinness drafts, $4 Jameson shots, and 2 for $10 Irish Car Bombs.
9) Have a green soda at Luscher's. The lime-flavored drink from Chicago is called Green River, and its shamrock-y green hue is a shade rarely found in nature.
10) Stuff yourself with shepherd's pie at Vickery Park. They're making it extra-festive with Jameson gravy and a topping of green onion mashed potatoes. (Lots of drink specials, too.)
11) Eat pastrami "Irish nachos" at LUCK. There will definitely be no green beer in the house, but the Trinity Groves resident does have one of the finest local brew selections in town.
12) Hit up pint night at The Bottle Shop. Buy a Community Public Ale and they'll give you a nifty shamrock logo pint glass to take home.